I have to admit that I find fashion shows extremely boring. In all honesty, I’ve never had the desire to go to one, or watch one for more than the 10 seconds I was viewing it to realize this was clearly not going to hold my interests. Nevertheless, I ended up going to one, and I felt like a chaperone for a high school prom. Or the janitor I should say…You know, this attempt at a metaphor is awfully witless, so I digress and I’ll just say – I felt out of place. I never felt more disconnected from society, not that I ever felt such a deep and profound connection to society. I felt like I was back in junior high. I was the skinny kid who was tormented, naturally of course, for being skinny; I was a complete outsider. From my taste in music, to my hobbies and interests, I was an outsider. Save the awe’s and pitty…Maybe back then I could have used a little fucking sympathy! hehe
In regard to the popular kids, I never had the desire to be friends with them or develop any “meaningful” relationships. I just want to be “accepted” by them. In fact, screw being accepted, I would have preferred them to have not even acknowledged my existence, to be quite honest. I had no desire to truly befriend these kids. As “people”, they could not offer me anything. There was nothing of value that they could have contributed to my life. At a young age I knew this, and at a young age I knew I was different, but I liked that about myself. In fact, I loved that about myself. I loved the fact that I was (literally) in no way shape or form remotely similar to my peers. The defining moment in my life was when I had a birthday party at my house, it was inevitable kids would enter my room, so I found myself hiding all my Phil Collins, Springsteen, Doo wop cds, etc…and running into my brothers room to replace my cds (my cds which were really my parents cds), with his top 40 hits and whatever it was the cool kids were listening to at that time. Yes – that was the moment that did it for me. That was when I realized I was NOT NORMAL. I am laughing right now and It’s because there are so many reasons why I find that funny, and I can only imagine what anyone makes of this, if they make anything of it at all..heh. — However, if it came down to being ridiculed day in and day out or being accepted by them, I would have preferred being accepted. I always thought to myself if I actually sat with those idiots during lunch I wouldn’t have anything to contribute to their conversations, and the thought would pain me to think of what the hell those sick fucks even thought about. It was bad enough I was subjected to what they said openly, as well as directly to me.. but amongst themselves? I felt violated just imagining it. I almost feared getting to close could infect me with their “popular” disease.
It is funny though…in retrospect, come to think of it, there were on a few occasions a couple classmates who would end up being summoned by the popular kids and then gradually leave the “non popular kids table”. Naturally they would re-spawn at the non popular table every now and then, but ultimately reside at the popular table. It was insane; it was like some prison shit. Well, maybe that is a bit too extreme; The prison comparison I suppose would make me appear naive. Heh…Prison got nothing on high school! That’s right bitches!
I recall it as some type of initiation. You could immediately recognize when the popular kids turned one of “average” kids. The clothes, attitude, even contents of their lunch would gradually change, then they would develop the attitude. The transformations were truly remarkable; I must say.
I do feel for kids who are bullied in school. It’s amazing how this has become such a phenomenon. I have a love hate relationship with the bullying campaigning and “support” , to tell you the truth. It’s almost a “Cool” thing to do now. It is the “cool” thing to come out about being bullied and support anti bullying programs. Now, I am sure a great amount of the supporters are genuine, but I can’t help to think how many of these “individuals” are completely full of shit. They are like the fucking German Nazi’s who came over here with stolen identities of the Jews they massacred to avoid persecution. I hope that does not come off insensitive to Jews. If any consolation I am half jewish…Though I suppose using the word “jews” is rather insensitive given I am only half jEWISH. Oh, but wait…BY GEORGE! My mother isn’t Jewish, only my father is, so I suppose that does not make me Jewish. I just dug a grave….Heh. For myself…And you know what, it won’t be at the Star of David Funeral home because their plots are too expensive.
Now back to fashion shows. The only reason I’d have any inkling of desire to participate in an actual show, is to simply make a mockery of it. I’d love to come down the run way and make a crazy face, or just randomly stop and fart really loud….Let me tell you something, I’d wish someone had farted really loud, or did some crazy shit on that runway. It was the most boring event I had ever attended. The same thing…up and down..up and down….For a moment I was thinking it was one of those tricks, where it’s the same act repeated over and over and then a ghost appears or Janice discikkons face appears and everyone screams. Heh, like one of those youtube videos.
I must admit watching the audience mesmerized by this shit made my mind flourish with glee. It was hilarious. But man…holy shit was that boring! I had rather listened to the Dalai Lama speak. Look, I know he is a great little Mongol, (Hell I even have Mongolian blood. Well, at least I suspect I do. That is why my eyes are a bit tiny…When Genghis Khan raped the Russian women…I have Russian heritage, so it seems rather obvious in my opinion.) but I am not sitting through that shit. I can’t even sit through a movie unless something is blown up, or a healthy amount of profanity is used…You think I can sit and listen to the freakin’ Dalai Lama speak? Might as well put on some indie bullshit movie with subtitles. It’s all the same shit to me. I am sorry that I don’t appreciate the finer things in life. I appreciate the shit life brings. Believe me, when you are as constipated as I am, man…a shit will do ya good!