Call Me Hume Baby…

An Enquiry Concerning Men and Fashion – (GAG! How pretentious – hah!)


I will admit that I am not into fashion, and I certainly do not read fashion magazines or have any desire to understand “fashion” with the exception of matching and somewhat color coordinating. Let’s just say my style is tasteful, presentable, and for the most part pretty basic. (I will admit when I was younger I was a bit more into fashion.) If I see a dress that I like I will buy it, and that is the end. I do not see a dress and perceive it as a blank canvass to what I can accessorize it with. I see a dress, sometimes I’ll try it on first, and then I buy it – end of story.

I feel there are too many matters to attend to, and far too much energy that I can invest in projects that are truly important to me and of gainful influence in my life, with hopes of potentially impacting others as well. Shall it remain my civic duty to devote my time to EVERYTHING and ANYTHING but fashion. – heh

As much as I am not into fashion, I will admit I am somewhat of a snob when it comes to certain brands. I suppose some people could label me a “Brand Snob”, but the reality of it is that it has nothing to do so much with the label itself, but the quality rather. I just find high end department stores and those small obnoxious boutiques tend to sell denim jeans that feel better and fit better, and also last a lot longer. (Even real men can attest to the merits of this.)I also have a very particular taste in dresses and I will pay whatever I have to for the right dress. Unfortunately the dresses I love the most tend to run a bit high, but it’s worth it. I love dresses! I am not into purses, and I am not into shoes that much, so I feel like I am allowed to enjoy my damn dresses. I’d never spend over $200 for a handbag, but I’d definitely spend over $800 for a dress – haha. As far as the Prada, Gucci, etc.. hand bags are concerned, I’d rather give $2,000+ to a charity before I spent $2000- $10,000 on a bag. I just can’t say that I love a material object that much, that I’d spend it on a bag, when I could give the “funds” to a charity or use it as an investment towards my own charitable pursuits. However, I can conceive in many ways why some would spend that much money on a handbag, but I’d rather abandon my thoughts to avoid a rampant tirade. I’ve been diligent in my efforts not to judge other individuals, but then again…I don’t consider them individuals, so I suppose I could consider committing to going forth with my tirade…Eh…I am overwhelmed just thinking about where to begin  – so I’ll pass.



An Enquiry Concerning Men and Fashion – (GAG! How pretentious – hah!)


In all honesty, I do not really care particularly for men who are devastatingly devoted to fashion. It seems men born after 1972 (pretty much anyone under 40) tend to be at a higher risk of being grossly metrosexual. I was actually having a conversation only a short while ago regarding the idea of “Real men” having somewhat now becoming extinct. Now, on a side note- I consider homosexual men to be real men. I am sure there are some homosexual men within the community who are not exactly gems, as with all types of people, but my “enquiry” is focused on heterosexual men given those are the males in my scope.


AS09gWhen I say “Real men” becoming extinct, I am speaking strictly of heterosexual men who shave their arms, legs, chest, wax their eye brows, get facials, manicures…etc. etc.. I am just not particularly attracted to that, and I will tell you why. I love men. I am so attracted to men, that I’d actually marry one! Haha…(pitiful laugh.) I imagine you’ve now apprehended my deep profound desires and love for men. With that said, I love men so dearly because they are completely opposite from women, more specifically, myself! Now, I do desire a connection of course, and naturally the chemistry and commonalities to have conversations of great depth allowing the ability to withstand an exchange of words for hours, or at least 15 minutes. So, there you have it! I love men!

I do in fact take the idea of marriage seriously and into consideration more often than some may think, but I will never settle and I certainly will never settle for anyone who is settling for me. I do not believe this is something within my control. I feel there is a time and place for everything and what happens will happen, and let’s just say where there is excessive force there is usually some crime or another. The crime being never truly feeling content and constantly questioning your happiness and seeking it. I feel it should be fact rather than a belief, but I really do believe strongly in that by questioning your happiness, or having expectations of what happiness is you ultimately never achieve it. Once you feel you “should” feel something, you are committing an act of assault on your ability to “reason” and could fail to ever feel content. Someone asked me once “how do you know if you are in love?”, I told them I’ve never been in love. I know this because I’ve actually questioned if I was. I feel the answer to that question is within the question itself. Being in love is like happiness…or one in the same. I’ve never been in much a serious relationship, but I was in one that I remember staying a bit longer than maybe I should have. (Cringe- I don’t care who reads this – I need to get over my fear of judgement by insignificant people. I just had a Taylor swift moment..Except I am writing a blog about it, not a song. I have to say I admire her tenacity and bravery to continually write songs about ex’s.) The one lesson I’ve come to learn is by staying with that person more of a matter of convenience was like a sprained ankle that I chose to ignore till it got to a point where it was affecting my ability to walk and function…Then finally I said ” I can’t take it anymore”. Naturally the moments you dread, the loneliness come into play, which for the sake of this horrid metaphor will be referred to as “surgery”. With every surgical procedure comes the “recovery” time, which in some ways is worse than parts of the relationship, and one might almost question why the hell they left in the first place! That is life. That is just it. That is life, that is living, that is growing. Trusting yourself enough to know you are strong enough, having faith in yourself enabling you to believe you can become a better person. Alas my “wisdom” escapes me from time or time, or at all times I should say!


I’d love to meet a man who can’t tell the difference between Farragamo and Target in his own closet. I find that awfully sexy. I will admit I am a bit turned off with men who can’t tell the difference between Creed and Dolce and Gabana Light Blue…haha. I am a perfume snob. The only thing I’d ever ask a man to change is his cologne. Creed, Bond No 9, and Tom Ford are one of the numbers on the combination lock to my heart. So, if you smell good there are only 2 other numbers you must acquire to be mine – haha – That has to be the most god-awful, feeble, attempt at a metaphor. To make matters worse, I am not quite convinced it could pass as an actual metaphor, and I feel I am treading harsh deep waters right now and that any intellectual integrity I could possibly have is now slowly or quickly being questioned and obliterated. My face is flushed now, and I am cringing, but too lazy to erase it and consequently too proud or full of grandiosity to accept that I just wrote all this shit in vein and forced to delete this as well. ——- How the fuck is this not a run on sentence….I was expecting the GREEN death grammar line in Microsoft Word to pop up or under I should say. Holy shit…I’ve managed to, well managed not to have a massive grammatical blunder! I should probably stop before I discover or most likely someone else discovers there are in fact a great deal of errors in that sentence along with the preceding sentences and the latter. FUCK YOU! That is right! I feel so damn sexy right now that I just wrote another massive sentence and did not discover the grammar death underline! FUCK YES! I am a geneius!





Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.  – David Hume

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9 thoughts on “Call Me Hume Baby…

  1. I agree with your assessment of the modern day male, however, I believe that the mainstream media (reality TV) and technological advances are responsible for alchemising the hetero-male into the metro-male. Your article encourages the modern day man to rule with an iron fist as opposed to a rubber stamp (An ode to modern day office jobs) For you metro men that are new to Sam’s blog please take a hint. It doesn’t pay to fart febreze! That’s my public service announcement for today. Thank’s for another great article Sam.

  2. Sam, where can I start? Loved that one! You touch on quite a few topics most are afraid to comment on, your bold and honest expressions are very refreshing. “Recovery” time is such a true assessment! I hope you can keep dodging that green death grammar line, but more importantly continue to say FUCK YOU! You are genius!

  3. haha thanks! oh and i intentionally misspelled the word genius. i feel like i should explain the genius behind that…ok..fuck me! i digress. i just want my cleverness to be known.. you can call it a robert frost moment ha

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