I suppose some may wonder, how can you be crazy and not stupid, or vice versa. Well, it is possible… In fact, I know I am out of my freakin’ mind, and I have moments where I concede to the notion I’m in fact a genius. However, moments like this is when I behold my diffidence as key to believing on the contrary amongst that inane theory. The moment or moments when I struggle to understand the basic tenants of fucking grammar, more specifically.
The idea of the semi colon, engenders a deep flagrant strain of anxiety that nearly pulverizes me. Yes, I could potentially have a panic attack by see or mention of a semi colon. I try to avoid thinking about them, but there are times when I’m almost compelled to use one. These times are dire times, indeed. I start to think “what if this semi colon is not warranted here”, “what if I could really use it but then I don’t and I regret it”, “what if I use too many”, “what if I use it once and get it right, then the second time I use it it makes no sense”, “what if my professor doesn’t notice, but what if he does? Well of course he will! Everyone notices! Everyone uses semi colons, even my 15 year old cousin! She uses them in texts for crying out loud! Who the fuck uses semi colons in a text? Why are they using semi-colons in a text? Who the fuck are these people? I know who these people are…What am I saying? I just said who one of them are, and I know this includes the rest of the world. Why am I the only person who can’t tell time when asked on command? What if I wear a watch and someone asks me the time? What if I panic and can’t produce the time within a timely manner? What if they think I am fucking stupid? What if I just tell them honestly that I can’t tell time? What if they think I am being sarcastic and then ask again? Or what if they think I am being an asshole? What if I just say my watch is broken and I am just wearing it as an accessory. Well that will make me sound materialistic. Why wear a watch other than the purpose of it’s intended usage. What if I just say…It just broke! Well what if I tell them to just look at their fucking cell phone. Fuck you – that is right! Everyone is texting and driving using fucking semi colons texting and driving, doing unnecessary shit with their cell phones- you know what? Start using it to make calls and to tell time for yourself instead of accosting me by texting me and asking me what fucking time is it! WHAT TIME IS IT?????? Can I trouble you for the time? May I ask you the time? Oh do you happen to know the time if it is not too much to ask” NO! And yes you are troubling me, you are deeply troubling me, you may certainly not ask me the time, and you know what It actually is too much to ask and I ask of you that you go fuck yourself!– Deep breath”. THIS IS WHAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD.
There is something relevant about the “irrational” thoughts I have just shared. – I know, you are most likely trying to bullshit yourself into conceiving this a possibility that could render any rationality, but nevertheless you do because you are curious. Well here it is – This proves the idea of anxiety that stems from a fear of judgment. Now whether this judgment is interpersonal or intrapersonal, it is still a form of judgment that is feared. Ok- anyway…Back to my original topic.
Crazy but not Stupid
I am going to make this brief, since I have now exhausted the faculty of, well actually all my faculties I should say…
There are some individuals who adopt a “3 strikes” and you are out system in the world of dating and relationships. I see how that could be warranted, or purposeful in some respects. As they say, once…twice..but 3 times becomes habit. Or the whole “fool me once..and you can’t get fooled again”. Oh wait, that was not the actual quote. Damn! I’ve forgotten it. Well you know what? To the extreme liberal fucks – You can blame BUSH for that one! (I’ll never work a day in “Hollywood” after that one…heh)
I personally have no system, I just rely on my self respect and logic I suppose. If a man does something that I feel is disrespectful, I am DONE. It is that simple. If you are dishonest – I am done! It is as simple as that. You think I’d accept any form of dishonesty in the beginning..? I couldn’t imagine how it would be a year or two years from that point. If the beginning of a relationship isn’t amazing, then I am sorry, I am not sticking around any longer. If the intensity, passion, and “bliss” should cease within the first 3 months, I’d hate to see where the “love” rests in the following months or years. I can assure you it will rest in another’s bed. Look, I am perfectly okay with admitting I am crazy, but I am not stupid. I am not going to settle for a lousy relationship, and I am certainly not going to settle for being in a relationship that would give me cause of concern or anxiety, when I could just be alone, and not have the headache.
The most insulting thing I can think of is when a guy comes back,(and they all eventually come back-it is a matter of stupidity not insanity), whether it be a text, email, or phone call, and this guy actually believes that I will go out with them, or agree to see them again. Now, what I am telling you is not news, it is not some late breaking discovery that is being broadcasted simultaneously on all news stations with a rocket flying over Anderson Cooper’s head. What this is, is simply old news. It is more like Kim Kardashian’s marriage. Everyone is aware of this, It Is known. However, since I am constantly emphasizing it, I suppose people don’t take it seriously and at some point actually forget or just do not give a shit…Yes, I tell men over and over, “when I am done I am done”. Yet, these bitches really do not absorb this information.. Or actually think they are such a prize that I’d…allow them another chance to prove they are a douchebag, when I could easily meet 20 other guys, who in theory could all be douchebags, but why the hell would I knowingly get involved with someone who has already revealed themselves to be a douchebag? That is called stupidity! I am not stupid. There is no “logic” administered within that idea.
Now, I have never been with anyone who cheated on me, being I’ve never been with anyone that long I imagined them to have cheated. However, I can tell you if I became aware at any point that someone was banging other chicks, I would be done. If I have a thought in my mind, and not actual concrete proof, just my intuitions that I trust, I’d just ask him. I would call him out on it. I don’t understand why women must rummage through men’s text messages and look through their phones. WHY? Why the hell would you even allow yourself to get to that point to where you have wholly obliterated your self respect, and self worth – That is crazy and stupid! I just do not understand these chicks, who dare call themselves women, who will take a man back, or repeatedly take them back! Once you take someone back, you are showing them which is more critical than words, that it is ok! You have just proven if they cheat that you will take them back. Now one man can only assume that you will do this again. After the third time a women takes a man back, that man now owns her. Once you have no self respect, or self worth, you are not worth much to practically anyone.
Although, people never commit to the act of throwing out pennies, nickles, or dimes. They keep the loose change around. You ever purchase something and asked if you want to keep the change or just put it in the tip jar or charity box? Well, there you have it. You either keep her around, pass her off to your friends, or take her to the strip and let her off on some corner down there.
Now again – there you have it! I could go into detail and start scripting various scenarios, BUT I am really hungry and I must eat breakfast. I suppose I shall consider this for the next blog.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. – Albert Einstein