The Last Word

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There is nothing more irritating and pathetic than a man who will continue to contact you once you’ve made it clear that you have no interest in ever “interfacing” with that man again. Now, one would think after you made such a simple request that the other person would simply respect your wishes. Well, naturally the word respect has no meaning to that individual, given the fact something rather unsavory must have transpired for you to have uttered such words as “please never fucking contact me again”.

So, they try calling you for the next week or two, and then the communication is gradually reduced to texts, then desperate attempts by email in effort to elicit a response, all of which you continue to ignore.  (I feel as though usage of the semi colon would have been appropriate at some point throughout the preceding massive fucking run-on sentence. This may qualify as well.)  Then finally after about 6 months, the communication ends, or so you’d like to think. It is now mid June, and you haven’t had to deal with bullshit emails from that wondrous waste of a human for the past few months . Then all of sudden comes October, and there in your inbox awaits an email. You ask yourself – why?? I have ignored all of their texts, phone calls, emails…Why are they still contacting me?? Then you think, ok well maybe they actually think the emails are going to spam…? Maybe I should respond so that they know I am receiving the emails, but still have no desire to ever see or hear from them again..? But then you realize, I FUCKING MADE THAT CLEAR ALREADY.

Now, as you know I over analyze and over think in ways that are unhealthy and psychotic, but I have figured out THE WAY. I have figured out the way to ensure this man or woman never contacts you again. Now, this may require a phone call, or an actual meeting….
Step 1 – make a list of all the things you can remember that this person likes about you.
Step 2 – make a list of all the things you can remember that turns this person off.
Step 3- BECOME all embodied in step 2.

Remember the goal is for this person to never contact YOU again.
Here are a few options:
•    Respond to their emails and say really clingy and creepy shit. If they are still into you, then you need to be more clingy and creepy. If you are uncertain, you’ll know when you are about to type something and you start to cringe and your face flushes – yes- that is the shit you need to say.
•    Politics – If they are pro-choice and watch Orange is the New Black then you are now a born again christian and your favorite tv show is 19 Kids & Counting – and vice versa.
•    Do they miss the sound of your voice and your fun loving personality? Start bitching and complaining, make up financial issues and ask to borrow money. You ever see the crazy trash on Jerry Springer? Yes, you are now THAT person, you must become THAT person.

My only suggestion is to NOT claim you have an STD, incurable disease, or you are pregnant – Unless you do have an STD, incurable disease, and/or are pregnant it’s not easy to convey this convincingly, and they will call you out. Oh, and if the guy is really into you, it won’t matter. You’d be surprised ladies.. And men..you’d be surprised by yourselves when you have really fallen for someone.

If you have any other suggestions feel free to leave them in the comment box below!

To make a long story, a little bit longer – It is simple– They want YOU, so you must become someone else.
Remember the goal – “the goal is for this person to never contact YOU again.” So, if they think you are fucking nuts, who cares! Let them have the LAST WORD.

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6 thoughts on “The Last Word

  1. I am really going to flatter you because you are a very special talent, that knows all this but to go a little further is to also be intrigued by how much growth you will have in the Entertainment industry over the next two decades such as a household name and a sky’s the limit career! There is no doubt you will be a success story, which is not a matter of when it will happen, rather more of what you will showcase with all the multiple gifts you have at your touch and control, whether you will be a force in the singing, acting, writing, producing, or will you take all of them and raise the bar. As long as you create and keep the fresh original approach to all these gifts , you are as good as gold to the distributor of your work and that is all you need to be and do and twenty years from now it will be nice to look back at what you uncovered from the base of your temple to leave at the tips of our souls. Yes even now your audience waits…….

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