take the JOB out of BLOW JOB

take the JOB out of BLOW JOB

Nothing frustrates me more than frustrated married women, or frustrated women in relationships. As much as it disgusts me to hear women express their displeasure when the store doesn’t have the latest Jimmy Choo’s in their size..then proceed to break out their living will and cry incessantly till their “bestie” suggests to do a mani/pedi/ and indulge in a Tall, Half-Caff, Soy Latte At 120 Degrees to cheer them up. Shit..I veered off onto the path of female lunacy for a minute. I am sorry but I cannot respect a woman who can utter the word BESTIE. Nevertheless..As much as that disgusts me, nothing disgusts me more than women who complain about their husbands always wanting a blow job. Now before the onslaught of remarks commence… such as: “Oh well…Sam..you are not married and you have no idea what it is like or what you are talking about..Oh well Sam marriage changes everything…” Let me say this…if your sex life is non existent or has plummeted heavily post marriage then you are in a terrible fucking marriage! I am beyond dumbfounded by the ungodly, harrowing, fucking consensus amongst married individuals how they tout once you are married your sex life is over. Yeah…Maybe if you are married to the wrong fucking person! That is NOT a healthy marriage. Just because you settled, or got married as an act of convenience, or were approaching “the age” and all your friends were married…etc.. etc….That most certainly does not make you an expert on married couple sex lives. In fact, you know NOTHING! Now, I recently had dinner with three women and one of them mentioned how their husband’s birthday is coming up ..Her exact words were as follows: “I hope he doesn’t think because it’s his birthday I am going to be giving him head. All he is getting is the lingerie from last year”. The other two women erupted with laughter; Naturally, I was appalled. I can’t imagine feeling this way towards someone I am supposedly “in love with”. I don’t know what is worse…The part about the blow job or the part about the lingerie! I truly feel for this poor sorry son of  bitch…Godspeed to you sir.

I will admit there was a time a blow job was most certainly a job or chore. There was nothing appealing about it….I won’t get into details. However, I met someone that I had really strong feelings for not too long ago and dare I say I might have been falling in love with this guy. Naturally, that is why it had to end – HA! That shit was scary as fuck! Another post for another time…Bottom line is, that was the first time in my life I actually enjoyed giving head. I never thought the day would come ( fuck you and your puns) that I would actually say “That was some good dick”. Now, I had dated people in the past and I still did it with a smile, but “deep down inside” the last thing I wanted to do was stick a dick in my mouth. This one particular guy, I can’t explain it…I just really enjoyed sucking his dick. THERE I SAID IT! The fact that I really cared about this person, made giving a “Blow job” nearly a necessity on my part..I craved it more than donuts and cupcakes and chocolate! I actually felt immense pleasure from the act because he felt immense pleasure. All the feelings of disgust I had towards blow jobs from past experiences had quickly waned and were renewed with feelings of excitement and joy! If you care deeply about someone you should want to make them feel good..not feel you have to.

It is very difficult for me to date because I have very high standards. Well maybe just one requirement : Honesty. You can keep the rest…Rich guys, tall guys, hot guys, smart guys, funny guys, come a dime a dozen. Honest guys are like those rare Susan B Anthony Coins. I love sex just as much as any man and I enjoy giving head just as much as any man enjoys receiving it. Only issue is, I just can’t engage with “any man”. I don’t enjoy casual sex…I am at an age where I just can’t do it. The men I date are typically 5-10 years older, and there is no way in hell I am letting a 40 year old penis penetrate any part of my body…God only knows where that has been within the 40 years of its existence. I can wait till I get to know someone and allow trust to grow before that goes anywhere near my mouth!  Now back to married bitches who complain about giving a blow job. Yes, this frustrates me! So, you are trying to tell me every morning you wake up and every night before you go to sleep – that you have a penis you can suck and you chose not to????? What the fuck is wrong with you people???? Ladies – you might as well be single! How can you not appreciate the fact knowing that there will always be a penis available. Yes, a clean, safe, and hopefully “a jewish below the waist” type penis available every fucking day for the rest of my fucking life. Yo..that is the only reason I would ever get married! Honest man = safe sex.

Note to the ladies -Take advantage of the free porn on the internet. Yes – pornhub.com Do your research – learn to give an amazing blow job. If you truly love someone.. it is the least you can do for crying out loud!! Ah! Gee-whiz! (Doing my best mad dog impression. Freakin’ Russo …haha Love that guy!)

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4 thoughts on “take the JOB out of BLOW JOB

  1. Sam, while I find this one amazingly accurate, and it truly can be applied to both sexes…your generalization of old dick is uncalled for! We both know the age has nothing to do with the experience level. Some old guys are probably very clean and a fucking joy! don-t-knock-it-till-you-ve-tried-it. Ha!

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