Selected letters of The Narcissist


Selected letters of The Narcissist

Notes from underground : Fyodora

Humility. Heh.. What is humility? I will tell you what humility is; it is a farce; it’s a mere sham dire farce. It’s a mask that these insufferable blockheads use in the most vain attempt to enshroud the height of their sanctimonious, and contemptuous Madame de Maintenon personas.

I do not believe in the appeal of what they call this “humble” behavior, this unadulterated “virgin” like behavior. I’d never dare to partake in any such behavior, and find it desperate, pathetic, and as inadequate upon frolicking with a virgin leading to an anticlimactic dismal affair. Continue reading “Selected letters of The Narcissist”

tour·ist (trst) n. One who travels for pleasure.

Fun in Greneda
Fun in Greneda

tour·ist (trst)
How many tourists have come and gone in your life? Or has there been one particular tourist whom you keep allowing to check-in? I suppose you could send a damage bill. However, were there any regulatory measures established? Now, you may certainly elect to ban this tourist, or you could request a security deposit upon their next arrival.

The beauty of tourism is simply pleasure! No responsibilities, no commitments. You will experience the best weather, the best part of town, the best food, simply the best of everything. From the moment you arrive, you are in a continual state of bliss! Why would anyone leave? Well my dears, the idea traveling for pleasure is indeed a great idea. Every tourist knows there are many other great destinations. Why settle in Maui, when you can travel to Antigua or to Paris next week? – More often than not people eventually nest in an area they once roamed as a tourist, and they realize after a week- it was all an illusion. It is funny people forget that they must make their own bed, they must take out their own trash, they must prepare their own meals, they must shovel their own snow… The grass does not stay green year round, and the sun certainly does not shine for the weeks you plan it to. Honestly, I can not think of one good reason why anyone would settle!
I will say this… For those of you who harbor an abundance of sentimental feelings and stare at bananas hoping to finally see the brown spots form – Stare at fucking peaches, or try to drink the rain. (Honestly, that is your life; it’s your business, not mine! I am not going to tell you what to do.) The point is – THIS -When your finances start to dwindle, you will not be able to check-in to the most luxurious resorts. When your health declines, and youth starts to fade, you will still have room-service…When you decide you want to retire early and live off of twinkles and beer, there will always be a motel6..

I am not a tourist, and I am certainly not The Four Seasons. When the love is right, I would rather live with a man throughout his dealings with some extra weight, baldness, ED..(just saying..we are human..shit happens!), than a tourist. Simply because that man will think twice before checking out.

Continue reading “tour·ist (trst) n. One who travels for pleasure.”

i am an impulsive/compulsive writer during flights…


Dedicated to my dear friend Joanna and pain in the…friend Horatio haha

I imagine it to be so commitments are – as they are – Just that- a commitment . It’s a mixture of feelings extending to uncertainty, fear, along with or essentially “anxiety”, followed by a taxing affair of endless thoughts – irrational thoughts – that infiltrate your mind – you become consumed with the unknown somewhat intriguing mystery that is ahead . Your emotions are blinding and your defenses set in and you inevitably succumb to the greatest regret – silence .
There shall it remain innumerable questions – what ifs – this pattern of thinking generates a scenario – a dream vs reality . The dream or a false reality that’s comforting in a sense that you can Control the circumstances to which you desire . This comfort is not much different than other feelings in a sense they are not sustained for such a great amount of time. Feelings wane as the emotions dissipate .  (I am not sure of the feelings/emotions waning bit makes any sense – i just figured i’d try to be profound and cool…i digress) It’s unjust for comfort to extend and sustain its self throughout your moments of uncertainty and fear. The only certainty is what you feel at the moment, not what you think . Thoughts are misleading .
Fear of the unknown – lack of control . Your thoughts are a testament to the fact that irrationality is what’s behind the idea of being able to have compete total control . You cannot control circumstances beyond that of your feelings generated deep within your conscience,  but you can control your actions. Your morality is where whatever actions you carry out rests_ right or wrong. You can’t control the way others think – you can not control the way you think .
Your mind can only expand when you commit to adopting reason and sensibility .


“Blow away, the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away, the dreams that break your heart
Blow away, the lies that leave you nothing but lost and broken hearted”  – Springsteen



Overtly Sarcastic..

The excitement that permeates throughout my bones, when I narrow my course selection for each semester! As each year passes my yearning for the past grows fonder. Just the thought, let alone the process, of choosing my course schedule, engenders very special nostalgic memories and feelings. For a moment I felt like a child making a Christmas list. There are so many courses I want to take! I wish I could take them all! The reality of it is Santa is not going to bring me a doctoral degree this Christmas, and I am surely not going to earn it any sooner than originally planned by electing to take the entire catalog of courses.

I have decided for the sake of time to only register for what is required. I love how I just granted such significance to “TIME”. There is nothing I loathe more than hypocrisy, especially when one is aware of that she speaks.
“Time is incapable of showing mercy, it will not go back, it will not go forward, and it will not stop. I am not a dreamer which is why I cannot create a fallacy, as a consolatory effort to believe time is on my side. Time has significance, but nothing more than the simplicity of structure. I do not know myself entirely, but I am human; I am a female. I do not feel I lack self control, I just feel a ridiculous amount of money will result in an absurd amount of unnecessary shit. In terms of abundance, I only have a desire for an abundant harvest.” (Excerpt from one of my rants 2008)

I work hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Aside from the physical workouts, I “exercise” my mind by writing poems and writing lyrics for my songs. I also tend to stay home on Friday, and Saturday nights and do math for fun, as opposed to going out to clubs and bars which ultimately lead to AGE IN THE FACE and nothing I desire. Math is my weakness (ah- exposed!), which is why I am determined to make it my strength.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -T. Edison
This is something I must do for myself, and the greatest reward is that NOBODY can take it away. So, if I have to lose lovers or even jobs over my goals, it is worth it! Lovers, jobs, come and go. The only “lover” worth keeping is one who can restore your own faith enabling you to believe in each other. My family and friends support me, as I support myself ,which ultimately is the only support that matters.
The whole world can believe in you, and if you do not have faith in yourself shall it remain unjust!