How did that BEAST get that BEAUTY?

The Beasts & The Beauties

You ever see a beautiful woman with a man that makes Shrek and Don Rickles look f*ckable, and wonder how the hell did he manage to get her? Then find out this repugnant creature cheats on and divorces that woman? I have experience in dating the most unsightly creatures who live amongst us. So, I figured why not lend some insight.

First and foremost let me begin by saying that I am a very sensitive person. I am a very emotional person. If i cannot connect with someone emotionally, they could have a 12 pack, tall, dark, handsome, etc… and it would do nothing for me. However let me say this, if I can count how many packs you have from 100 yards away…I am sorry, but that is a bit a too much. I personally do not find that attractive. If your abs are that defined…there is some deep pathology I have no desire to invest in analyzing. That is just ..SICK!

Nevertheless, I am a sucker for personality. Intelligence and humor can make a 2 become an instant 10. I am typically dry as hell, but I mean this in all sincerity. Some of the men I have met, I would have died for betting my life, that I could never find them attractive, but then I did. Now, these men by no means were rich, or had “a huge penis”.  In fact, I am not into the big penises…I don’t find that attractive or in any way “shape or form” appealing. Hell, as long as you are jewish below the waist – I am good. Like I said I am a sensitive person, emotionally AND physically. If you are above average, hell if you are even average, chances are that is too big for me. So, let us just drop the myth regarding “unattractive” men either having a huge dick , or huge wallet, as the reason for a “beautiful” woman to fall for them. I assure you that is not the case. And yes, I did imply I am beautiful. SHAME ME! – Half you people write comments daily about how beautiful I am, and god forbid the one time I agree, I am crucified. My therapist could die happy knowing I have finally said that I am BEAUTIFUL! HAHA

Unfortunately the men I have dated were not exactly the most “emotionally stable”. Now, I am truly insane, by no means am I emotionally stable, however I am a very fine communicator of my feelings. I am an adult, and I communicate as one would expect an adult to communicate. Naturally this isn’t the case with every adult / male or female. Back to the men I have dated – Aside from the emotional instability, I would find out these men once had addictions, or were at the time currently “sober”. When you have a connection with someone these “issues” do not seem like a major issue because after all they were “addicts”. PAST-TENSE. “Addict” interchangeable with the word “liar”. I will probably get a lot of heat from this, but it is the truth. If you are an addict, you are a liar. You are lying to yourself first and foremost. Until you admit you have a problem… anyway. Now here is the problem with addicts. Especially unattractive addicts. Their mo is running away – or avoidance. That is how they operate. They do not DEAL with their problems. They drink them away – snort them away – inject them away…whatever the case may be – smoke them away… etc…They do not DEAL with their problems. As soon as one thing goes wrong, as they say – they go back on the shit. Whether it be gradual, a drink here or there, or just one night drinking themselves into an oblivion -That depends on the individual’s situation.

You have to understand, the issues that provoke this behavior, are not trivial matters..These are deep profound clinical issues. This is major trauma that has NOT ever been dealt with in other words AVOIDED. Major emotional trauma that will probably never be dealt with. Whether they were not held enough as a child, or ever truly loved, or whatever the hell the case may be pick your cliche… The fact remains, these individuals despite how they may manipulate their social media accounts or act in public – they are not secure and they are not happy. They are very insecure people. Their self worth is nonexistent. Whatever love or appreciation they can muster for themselves time after time usually is decimated by any events that trigger anger or sadness, or fear of rejection, or fear of being truly loved, within them.

So now you ask – how could someone this inadequate cheat on someone who is not only beautiful, emotionally stable, intelligent, kind, honest, monogamous, NOT AN ADDICT – no kids, no ex lovers, no baggage etc… How could this be possible? The answer: FEAR.
The only way to remedy their fear or anxiety is having control – Or the idea that they are in control. Regardless how reassuring their partner is that they care about them or love them, it does not have much weight. At the end of the day they do not have self worth, or enough to feel they are worthy of someone they feel is better than them which translates to someone who can DO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM. So, again – PUSSIES! Afraid of rejection – afraid of being loved and not worthy of being loved – Alas -They run – they run into the arms of trash.

You hear it all the time in the “news”. (That is another rant – how celebrity culture has become NEWS…disgusting) This gorgeous actress- with this slob…then this slob leaves this gorgeous actress for a damn near PROSTITUTE…? The public cannot grasp this! They cannot fathom such a tragedy! It is pretty freakin’ simple ladies and gentleman! There is less FEAR- They are not so much attracted to the person, it is more that they are attracted to the idea of someone who is as insecure and inadequate as they are, and less likely to run off with someone more deserving, because after all their new “partners” self worth is non existent as well.

And for the record – not all WOMEN like AS*HOLES. I have never dated anyone who was an “as*hole” to me – in the beginning. As soon as they became “as*holes” – I was done. I have no desire to date a man who cannot treat a woman with respect. There are enough women out there who will – so you can take your pick at any of them. I on the other hand – am too good for you!

never in my life… north – east – south – west

I feel as though this needs to be said. Actually, I suppose I feel the need to say it rather than it being said. Nevertheless, it shall be said. It will be said. I am going to say it…. Heh.. I’m such a tool!


“What ever place of business that you are employed – KNOW THE FUCKING ADDRESS”. It is quite simple. Whether you are employed at a fast food chain, law office, medical facility, supermarket, or a freakin’ beauty supply store, again : KNOW THE FUCKING ADDRESS. My apologies. Allow me to rephrase: PLEASE KNOW THE ADDRESS (you fucks).

I can empathize in ways you cannot comprehend regarding inattentiveness making it difficult to memorize things such as addresses, phone numbers, boyfriends name, year of birth… I completely understand, and I can and will not ever hold that against anyone, and I do consider it a valid reason why you may fail to remember an address off hand. Regardless, if you suffer from any form of adhd, or any such symptoms, even if you have anxiety that may cause you to get flustered and consequently fail to recollect even your own name, this is NORMAL. I do believe it is completely normal, or “healthy” I should say, (in the event anyone decided to pull the whole “define normal- what is normal- bullshit diatribe in the comment section) to forget an address, or even a phone number. Now, here is a solution, which allows for no excuses – Pick up a pen, or a pencil (sorry you must murder a tree, unless you want to write this down on a rotten leaf or a banana peel or whatever plant matter or other biodegradable shit you can find) and write down on a piece of paper the address of where you are presently employed and leave it next to the phone that you will most likely pick up when a potential customer asks for the address of your store.



You may notice that I did not mention anything about directions. Now, directions is another subject all together. Directions may very well remain the most mind bludgeoning of all concepts. I do in fact find the idea of giving directions remarkably fascinating while being drenched in such irony. You can have a perfectly capable person offering a precise articulation encompassing land marks, mileage calculations, whether the building faces N/E/S/or W from which street, how many yards from the nearest intersection, etc.. However, should the individual on the receiving end not know which way is N E S or W, or not be too swift when it comes to distance calculations regarding miles, let alone having any idea about yards or how much space even constitutes a fucking yard (yes – i am projecting)- WELL THEN – YOUR DIRECTIONS ARE ABOUT OF ABSOLUTELY NO USE! Although, I do not feel employees should be the human freakin’ mapquest, but I do feel they should have the address readily available and at least know the two nearest cross streets and at least one landmark. Oh… yes of course.. and offer a shuttle service as well. heh